Picking up where I left off...

While the shortbread I made this evening cools its little heels on the stove.

Anyway, the parks dept official came by, and we asked how to get the chairs over to the gazebo. We were told we'd have to carry them, as we were not allowed to drive on the grass. It is a park, after all. As soon as Official leaves, Bridezilla turns to the chair guy, and says, "I don't care what they said, you pull that truck up here." So he did. Everything the parks dept said, she ignored. She had been told (as had I) that we could put up signs in the parking lot saying, "His/Her Wedding This Way," but could not take over the whole parking lot, nor mention parking, as it was public. The signs all said, "Wedding parking here," and were put up in the only parking lot, which had plenty of space. Fortunately, the hoi polloi parked there anyway. While setting up the chairs, we discover that the ground is soft from the rain a few days before, and that putting chairs in that formation will make for one squishy row, so we rearrange the chairs, and fortunately, she doesn't get to see them. Before she left to go get her hair done, she called the parks department, and complained about there being goose poop on the sidewalks. There was a large, lovely flock of Canada geese that had been roosting in the vicinity. They actually matched the groomsmens' vests. She was complaining mightily to the rest of us, when I reminded her that there are people that pay top dollar to have swans walking around at their weddings, and that she got this lovely flock of beautiful, coordinating (and remarkably quiet) geese for free. The least she could do would be to go do something else and quit worrying about it. She leaves for hair and nails, and right as the last chairs were unloaded from the truck, a parks dept vehicle pulls up, and a very nice gentleman reminds us that we really should not have the truck on the grass, and that we shouldn't be there until 6, but that they aren't going to bother us about it now, as long as Someone stops calling the dept and harassing his staff about things like dirt and goose poop in a public park. Bridezilla's dad and I apologize profusely for her actions, and thank Gentleman for their flexibility, assuring him that we are genuinely appreciative and that Bridezilla will trouble his staff no more. At this point, I leave to go get baskets for the recessional. She wanted them filled with rose petals for people to throw as they left the ceremony. It was beautiful. So anyway, I leave people setting up chairs, and taping down tablecloths, because this is Kansas, and there's wind here. She calls me 5 minutes from Hobby Lobby, and proceeds to start screaming at me about how no one could count, and she couldn't believe that the groom's family (who are really decent people, 'even if they are Catholic' @@) wasn't smart enough to put the right table cloths on the right tables. 9 tables (because not all of the guests need to sit at a table), 9 table cloths. That simple. She specifically gave a future in-law a table cloth for the cake. How could she be so stupid as to lose it??? No! We were NOT going to spend the extra $3 to get an extra table cloth. She had it planned perfectly. By this time, she's escalated to a shrill whine. At this point, I lost my patience, and for the first time in weeks, told her to quit yelling at me and go call someone who was actually at the park and could do something about the @!(*&$# tablecloth. So she does. Anyway, I buy baskets (which were the wrong ones, even though they were the only ones of which the store had 20), and I head to my house, which is on the way to the park, to get dressed. While I'm there, the groom calls. His family needs to go get dressed, and could I pick up some ice on my way down? His family leaves a BIL at the park to wait for me, then takes off to get dressed, because pictures are at 4:45 and it's now almost 3:30. I get there, BIL leaves, and I sit around in a public park, by myself, until the florists arrive for a whopping 5 minutes to drop everything off. Then I'm on my own again. All of the flowers are beautiful, although Bridezilla bitches about the size of her bouquet. She went to see it earlier that morning. She could have told them she wanted it bigger, even though she didn't need it. It was purple roses and calla lilies--very sweet. So at 4:45, the whole groom's side of the family arrives, and by 5:15, we're only missing the bride. This is starting to become a pattern. At the rehearsal, she demanded that none of us eat until she arrived for the dinner, then she waltzed in nearly an hour late, with no apology.
She and her dad show up, and she's not happy about being late for pictures. Nor is she happy about the fact that none of us attempted suicide by decorating, or that all of the goose poop is off of the side walks. We distract her by setting her up for pictures, while I start to get the food out. Her friend E came to help me, and brought her the flower girl basket, which was full of rose petals. Bridezilla takes one look at them, goes rigid, and says through her teeth, "Those are NOT the right petals." So E and I go through all of the aisle baskets and switch out the pink and yellow petals for purple and white ones.

N's awake. The saga will continue...