N (eating Healthy-Os and applesauce in his high chair for breakfast): Eh-ohhh!
::::::splat:::::::
N (making a fish-face): Hee hee hee!
See Mummy's head hit the keyboard, as she sees the newly breakfast covered floor.
I love this kid. :)
Monday, November 29, 2004
Thursday, November 25, 2004
A Letter to My Playgroup
Dear Playgroup,
I just wanted to let you all know that N and I won't be coming back to playgroup. I'm sorry, but I cannot trust someone (or perhaps a few people) to trust me to parent my son in the way that is best for him. B and I may do things somewhat differently from most of you, but that does not equate child abuse or neglect. We have now had our home and our privacy invaded, and our parenting has been put under a microscope. This, a result of the actions of people who are supposed to be our friends, is not acceptable.
Person (or persons) unknown from this playgroup called SRS on Monday, accusing B and me of medically neglecting N, along with other "general health concerns." In a nutshell, someone is not happy that we have elected to raise N's hemoglobin level through diet (successfully, I might add), not ferrous sulfate drops, and that we were not more worried about N's weight gain or as that person interpreted it, weight loss. N has not lost weight. He's grown several inches and gained a pound since his 12 month appointment. That person is also unhappy that my child is on a restricted diet, due to food concerns that have been extensively examined, and are not among the usual toddler and food issues. Apparently, it appears to others that my child is not fed consistently, which I can assure you is decidedly to the contrary. According to every care provider we have (and we see several), our son's health is excellent. At no time have our actions as parents been even remotely problematic.
The person who called in these allegations also said that I had "stopped" seeing my OB and was seeing a midwife. How that qualifies as neglect is beyond me. Just because the letters behind the care provider's name are not M and D, does not mean that my unborn child and I are not receiving care. Perhaps it would be wise to do some actual research into midwifery care (and the track records of industrialized countries that utilize it) before jumping to the conclusion that I am somehow putting my child and myself at an unacceptable risk. Alternative care is still care. The bottom line with this issue is that my prenatal care is my choice, and my choice alone. You all know me, or at least I thought you did. I am a staunchly pro-life person. I would never deliberately put a child of mine in danger.
I have never been reluctant to share my care history with you all because not only do I have nothing to hide, but I was under the impression that we were all adult enough to recognize that some people do things differently, and that's okay. Obviously, that was an erroneous assumption on my part.
I am very upset that I am viewed as so unreliable that when I say that my son's physician is satisfied with his growth and health, someone has to go behind my back and involve the state.
I hope the person or persons who made the call realize(s) that even though we had a nice visit with the social worker, and the allegations were declared unsubstantiated, our lives are changed, and not for the better. I feel like I have to be constantly looking over my shoulder now. I am nervous taking my son out in public, because I'm afraid someone will get the wrong impression of me. I don't feel comfortable taking my child over to a friend's house because that person may not like the way I do things, and, not being privy to the everyday goings on of our home, might assume that I haven't fed my child that day, or that I've hit him or something, or that I don't want what's best for him above all else. If I should ever have to take my child to the emergency room for an illness or injury that's not perfectly cut and dry, a previous SRS call, regardless of the finding, will make us look suspicious. If my husband were not leaving the teaching profession this year, he'd need to recertify. An SRS call could quite possibly make it difficult for him to do so. We have considered foster parenting in the future, and this could conceivably make it more difficult to get accepted. There has been definite mental and emotional distress for B, me, and our families while waiting for this to resolve, plus time and energy spent on contacting all of our care providers to alert them of the situation, and obtaining copies of medical records, etc. Fortunately, our doctor's office provides these things for free. There's still a stigma associated with having SRS called on you. People who hear about it will always wonder, "What if it really was legitimate, and the social worker just couldn't tell?" I am very angry that I feel this way, and that these are now thoughts and issues that are a part of my daily life. What it feels like is that if this person, or these people tried to talk to me, they were simply unhappy with the answers they received, and chose a devastating way of showing it. Fortunately, the state has declared these allegations unfounded, and we should not need to have any more interaction with them.
Some of you may be wondering why I'm so sure it was someone from this group. A few of the allegations were unique to the playgroup setting. The wording of the allegations is almost exactly word for word the same as the concerns I voiced when N turned one, just before his checkup revealed low hemoglobin. This playgroup is the only place I have shared the details of our treatment of N's iron issues, and the only group that knows that I have even seen an OB at all. I hope I'm wrong, and it was some obscure person I don't even remember exists.
I'm not sure that the friendships can be repaired at this point, and that's because I'm not really even sure who my friends are. I did want to say that I've enjoyed knowing you all, and that I feel that N has benefitted from having your children as his friends. B will miss the good times he's had with your husbands, and we as a couple will miss having friends with which we have so much in common. Lest anyone doubt, I love my children very much, and I only want what's best for them, even if how I arrive at What's Best for my children looks different from the way you (general) are used to seeing it done.
Thank you,
I just wanted to let you all know that N and I won't be coming back to playgroup. I'm sorry, but I cannot trust someone (or perhaps a few people) to trust me to parent my son in the way that is best for him. B and I may do things somewhat differently from most of you, but that does not equate child abuse or neglect. We have now had our home and our privacy invaded, and our parenting has been put under a microscope. This, a result of the actions of people who are supposed to be our friends, is not acceptable.
Person (or persons) unknown from this playgroup called SRS on Monday, accusing B and me of medically neglecting N, along with other "general health concerns." In a nutshell, someone is not happy that we have elected to raise N's hemoglobin level through diet (successfully, I might add), not ferrous sulfate drops, and that we were not more worried about N's weight gain or as that person interpreted it, weight loss. N has not lost weight. He's grown several inches and gained a pound since his 12 month appointment. That person is also unhappy that my child is on a restricted diet, due to food concerns that have been extensively examined, and are not among the usual toddler and food issues. Apparently, it appears to others that my child is not fed consistently, which I can assure you is decidedly to the contrary. According to every care provider we have (and we see several), our son's health is excellent. At no time have our actions as parents been even remotely problematic.
The person who called in these allegations also said that I had "stopped" seeing my OB and was seeing a midwife. How that qualifies as neglect is beyond me. Just because the letters behind the care provider's name are not M and D, does not mean that my unborn child and I are not receiving care. Perhaps it would be wise to do some actual research into midwifery care (and the track records of industrialized countries that utilize it) before jumping to the conclusion that I am somehow putting my child and myself at an unacceptable risk. Alternative care is still care. The bottom line with this issue is that my prenatal care is my choice, and my choice alone. You all know me, or at least I thought you did. I am a staunchly pro-life person. I would never deliberately put a child of mine in danger.
I have never been reluctant to share my care history with you all because not only do I have nothing to hide, but I was under the impression that we were all adult enough to recognize that some people do things differently, and that's okay. Obviously, that was an erroneous assumption on my part.
I am very upset that I am viewed as so unreliable that when I say that my son's physician is satisfied with his growth and health, someone has to go behind my back and involve the state.
I hope the person or persons who made the call realize(s) that even though we had a nice visit with the social worker, and the allegations were declared unsubstantiated, our lives are changed, and not for the better. I feel like I have to be constantly looking over my shoulder now. I am nervous taking my son out in public, because I'm afraid someone will get the wrong impression of me. I don't feel comfortable taking my child over to a friend's house because that person may not like the way I do things, and, not being privy to the everyday goings on of our home, might assume that I haven't fed my child that day, or that I've hit him or something, or that I don't want what's best for him above all else. If I should ever have to take my child to the emergency room for an illness or injury that's not perfectly cut and dry, a previous SRS call, regardless of the finding, will make us look suspicious. If my husband were not leaving the teaching profession this year, he'd need to recertify. An SRS call could quite possibly make it difficult for him to do so. We have considered foster parenting in the future, and this could conceivably make it more difficult to get accepted. There has been definite mental and emotional distress for B, me, and our families while waiting for this to resolve, plus time and energy spent on contacting all of our care providers to alert them of the situation, and obtaining copies of medical records, etc. Fortunately, our doctor's office provides these things for free. There's still a stigma associated with having SRS called on you. People who hear about it will always wonder, "What if it really was legitimate, and the social worker just couldn't tell?" I am very angry that I feel this way, and that these are now thoughts and issues that are a part of my daily life. What it feels like is that if this person, or these people tried to talk to me, they were simply unhappy with the answers they received, and chose a devastating way of showing it. Fortunately, the state has declared these allegations unfounded, and we should not need to have any more interaction with them.
Some of you may be wondering why I'm so sure it was someone from this group. A few of the allegations were unique to the playgroup setting. The wording of the allegations is almost exactly word for word the same as the concerns I voiced when N turned one, just before his checkup revealed low hemoglobin. This playgroup is the only place I have shared the details of our treatment of N's iron issues, and the only group that knows that I have even seen an OB at all. I hope I'm wrong, and it was some obscure person I don't even remember exists.
I'm not sure that the friendships can be repaired at this point, and that's because I'm not really even sure who my friends are. I did want to say that I've enjoyed knowing you all, and that I feel that N has benefitted from having your children as his friends. B will miss the good times he's had with your husbands, and we as a couple will miss having friends with which we have so much in common. Lest anyone doubt, I love my children very much, and I only want what's best for them, even if how I arrive at What's Best for my children looks different from the way you (general) are used to seeing it done.
Thank you,
Thursday, November 11, 2004
Just thought I'd let you all know. I will be hosting Thanksgiving dinner for the first time. We're looking at 9 or 11 people. My parents and siblings, us, and B's parents and 1 of his brothers and his SIL.
I decided that I did not want to drag a recalcitrant toddler to a strange, un-Nproofed house after an hour's drive, only to chase him around and keep him out from underfoot while dinner is being made, and then waiting on said dinner for 3 hours because BIL and his wife don't know how to freaking plan ahead and insist on having dinner with both his family and hers on the same day, in locations that are 8 hours apart, and my ILs don't freaking now how to just start eating without them in spite of their starving grandson and daughter-in-law. That said, this should be interesting...
My parents are bringing the wine, a few of the sides, and the Hawaiian rolls (traditional for us). They are also keeping N for the morning, so that B can make the Good Eats recipe turkey, and I can focus on more side dishes and dessert.
My ILs are bringing the pop (no one else drinks it, and I can guarantee you they'll show up with 5 or 6-2 liter bottles, even though FIL will be the only one drinking pop and he only drinks Diet Pepsi. They are also bringing the white rolls and wheat rolls (traditional for B's family), and my MIL's fruit salad. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the world who hates fruit salad.
BIL and SIL, if we're lucky, will be bringing themselves in a timely manner, and will be able to attend the dinner when we all sit down promptly at three.
So, in the spirit of Our Family (meaning B, Me, N, and Fidget), I've laid down the law and invited the whole pack of them to our house. Please seriously consider any future postings in light of my temporary insanity.
I decided that I did not want to drag a recalcitrant toddler to a strange, un-Nproofed house after an hour's drive, only to chase him around and keep him out from underfoot while dinner is being made, and then waiting on said dinner for 3 hours because BIL and his wife don't know how to freaking plan ahead and insist on having dinner with both his family and hers on the same day, in locations that are 8 hours apart, and my ILs don't freaking now how to just start eating without them in spite of their starving grandson and daughter-in-law. That said, this should be interesting...
My parents are bringing the wine, a few of the sides, and the Hawaiian rolls (traditional for us). They are also keeping N for the morning, so that B can make the Good Eats recipe turkey, and I can focus on more side dishes and dessert.
My ILs are bringing the pop (no one else drinks it, and I can guarantee you they'll show up with 5 or 6-2 liter bottles, even though FIL will be the only one drinking pop and he only drinks Diet Pepsi. They are also bringing the white rolls and wheat rolls (traditional for B's family), and my MIL's fruit salad. Sometimes I think I'm the only person in the world who hates fruit salad.
BIL and SIL, if we're lucky, will be bringing themselves in a timely manner, and will be able to attend the dinner when we all sit down promptly at three.
So, in the spirit of Our Family (meaning B, Me, N, and Fidget), I've laid down the law and invited the whole pack of them to our house. Please seriously consider any future postings in light of my temporary insanity.
Hmm...
I realized tonight why exactly it is that the Pearls get under my skin so much.
N pulled several copies of To Train Up A Child off of the shelf at the kinesiologist's office the other day. He was selling them for $5 apiece. I was so shocked to see it there, and being sold by him of all people, that I didn't feel comfortable directly confronting him about it, but I did tell N that it was a very sad book, and it wasn't one we would play with, and then I sat him down to look at "Go Dogs, Go!" (he preferred a battered copy of Readers' Digest). I've known my kinesiologist and his family for coming up on 15 years. I never dreamed they'd approve of this stuff! I guess it's because every time I've seen them, and seen how they interact with their kids (ages 12-19), they've seemed so in touch, and so well, AP.
I think it bugs me so much because the impression I get is that (in public, anyway) as long as Junior and Siblings are behaving perfectly, Pearled children look great, Pearled parents look great, and the Pearled Parent-Child Relationship looks great. However, as soon as one of the kids put one toe out of line, it immediately becomes punitive to an extreme, and any concept of Grace or understanding is out the window.
I'd go so far as to say that Pearl methods are wolves in sheep's clothing, and that really bugs me. Their little-baby stuff (co-sleeping, breastfeeding) sounds so right, and when you get into the relationship advice, and 'tying strings' it makes so much sense, and sounds so great, and it really seems like that's exactly what it takes to be close to your kids. Then when the "training" part comes in, it doesn't sound so extreme, even when it is.
I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.
N pulled several copies of To Train Up A Child off of the shelf at the kinesiologist's office the other day. He was selling them for $5 apiece. I was so shocked to see it there, and being sold by him of all people, that I didn't feel comfortable directly confronting him about it, but I did tell N that it was a very sad book, and it wasn't one we would play with, and then I sat him down to look at "Go Dogs, Go!" (he preferred a battered copy of Readers' Digest). I've known my kinesiologist and his family for coming up on 15 years. I never dreamed they'd approve of this stuff! I guess it's because every time I've seen them, and seen how they interact with their kids (ages 12-19), they've seemed so in touch, and so well, AP.
I think it bugs me so much because the impression I get is that (in public, anyway) as long as Junior and Siblings are behaving perfectly, Pearled children look great, Pearled parents look great, and the Pearled Parent-Child Relationship looks great. However, as soon as one of the kids put one toe out of line, it immediately becomes punitive to an extreme, and any concept of Grace or understanding is out the window.
I'd go so far as to say that Pearl methods are wolves in sheep's clothing, and that really bugs me. Their little-baby stuff (co-sleeping, breastfeeding) sounds so right, and when you get into the relationship advice, and 'tying strings' it makes so much sense, and sounds so great, and it really seems like that's exactly what it takes to be close to your kids. Then when the "training" part comes in, it doesn't sound so extreme, even when it is.
I just can't seem to wrap my head around it.
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
Translation, please
N's a chatty monkey. He doesn't say much in the way of actual words besides the stuff he mimics (nanana, okay okay okay, yay, pweeees, etc). He has very serious, long, babbly strings of conversation that I am expected to respond to with the utmost solemnity and concern. He even sings. B and I sing Raffi's "Baby Beluga" to him often, and he hears "Three Little Ducks" at playgroups and story time regularly, so I suppose it shouldn't come as a surprise to hear him vocalizing cadences from each song while running his cars over the end tables. It melts my heart.
But the real reason I need the translation is that His Nibs has decided to go with one particular phrase as His Sound, and I have no idea what it means. It appears that "Oh-Bwee!" seems to mean everything from "Hi Mum" to "It's time to change my diaper now--I stink." So until I figure out what Oh-Bwee means, I'll have to make up my own meanings for it.
But the real reason I need the translation is that His Nibs has decided to go with one particular phrase as His Sound, and I have no idea what it means. It appears that "Oh-Bwee!" seems to mean everything from "Hi Mum" to "It's time to change my diaper now--I stink." So until I figure out what Oh-Bwee means, I'll have to make up my own meanings for it.
Thursday, November 04, 2004
Discouraged
I'm discouraged by one of my boards. I knew we had some differing opinions, but I thought that one of the things about being open-minded was accepting that some people believe different things, and that that's okay.
I have always operated on the idea that you are supposed to vote for what you believe in. But what about those people who don't believe what you do? Simple. They vote for what they believe in. If more people believe like them, then my candidate's out, and I can try again in four years. There we have one of the things I like about our current system.
As far as my voting my beliefs being considered pushing my morality on someone, isn't someone voting the opposite trying to push their idea of morality on me? Aren't we all just trying to make our country line up with our idea of how things should be?
I have many friends. They are on both sides of all of the issues. Does that make me think they're terrible people? Of course not. Do I disagree with some of their logic and reasoning? Sure. But do I insult them and call them rednecks and ignorant and assume that they are mislead and naive because they don't believe the same way I do? Absolutely not.
What saddens me the most is that on this particular board, it's coming from the people who, if they put their minds and bodies to work on the issues, and stopped bashing people for a while, would be able to effect some major, positive change.
I understand these people are angry, frustrated, and upset. I do not understand why that means they get to suspend their usual talk of love, respect, and acceptance for all, to spew the very hatred they so ardently claim to revile, just because someone else's beliefs are different.
You, too, can call yourself open-minded....as long as you believe what I do.
I have always operated on the idea that you are supposed to vote for what you believe in. But what about those people who don't believe what you do? Simple. They vote for what they believe in. If more people believe like them, then my candidate's out, and I can try again in four years. There we have one of the things I like about our current system.
As far as my voting my beliefs being considered pushing my morality on someone, isn't someone voting the opposite trying to push their idea of morality on me? Aren't we all just trying to make our country line up with our idea of how things should be?
I have many friends. They are on both sides of all of the issues. Does that make me think they're terrible people? Of course not. Do I disagree with some of their logic and reasoning? Sure. But do I insult them and call them rednecks and ignorant and assume that they are mislead and naive because they don't believe the same way I do? Absolutely not.
What saddens me the most is that on this particular board, it's coming from the people who, if they put their minds and bodies to work on the issues, and stopped bashing people for a while, would be able to effect some major, positive change.
I understand these people are angry, frustrated, and upset. I do not understand why that means they get to suspend their usual talk of love, respect, and acceptance for all, to spew the very hatred they so ardently claim to revile, just because someone else's beliefs are different.
You, too, can call yourself open-minded....as long as you believe what I do.
Monday, November 01, 2004
Thoughts...
I'm a member of a board that has been recently having a discussion regarding vaginal birth and c-section. Some of the posters don't quite seem to understand why some of the women who had c-sections weren't quite happy about it, and then it spiraled into the usual 'you should be grateful' etc business. So, I thought about it a little bit and came up with an analogy. I ran it by a friend who was unhappy with her birth experience, and she said I got it, so I'll post it here.
I like to know that I've earned whatever good things I get. I enjoy the process of working for reward. It makes the reward that much sweeter to me to have sweated for it. I spent my pregnancy training for labor, much the way an athlete prepares for the Olympics. I worked my tail off trying to prepare my mind and my body for this event. I was working hard to be in shape to compete. I'm pretty sure I'd have felt cheated if I worked so hard to get to the Olympics, only to have the officials call the games off and give all of the athletes gold medals simply for showing up. Sure, I'd be thrilled to have a gold medal, but I'd certainly regret not having had the opportunity to earn it.
I like to know that I've earned whatever good things I get. I enjoy the process of working for reward. It makes the reward that much sweeter to me to have sweated for it. I spent my pregnancy training for labor, much the way an athlete prepares for the Olympics. I worked my tail off trying to prepare my mind and my body for this event. I was working hard to be in shape to compete. I'm pretty sure I'd have felt cheated if I worked so hard to get to the Olympics, only to have the officials call the games off and give all of the athletes gold medals simply for showing up. Sure, I'd be thrilled to have a gold medal, but I'd certainly regret not having had the opportunity to earn it.
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