A Letter to My Playgroup

Dear Playgroup,

I just wanted to let you all know that N and I won't be coming back to playgroup. I'm sorry, but I cannot trust someone (or perhaps a few people) to trust me to parent my son in the way that is best for him. B and I may do things somewhat differently from most of you, but that does not equate child abuse or neglect. We have now had our home and our privacy invaded, and our parenting has been put under a microscope. This, a result of the actions of people who are supposed to be our friends, is not acceptable.
Person (or persons) unknown from this playgroup called SRS on Monday, accusing B and me of medically neglecting N, along with other "general health concerns." In a nutshell, someone is not happy that we have elected to raise N's hemoglobin level through diet (successfully, I might add), not ferrous sulfate drops, and that we were not more worried about N's weight gain or as that person interpreted it, weight loss. N has not lost weight. He's grown several inches and gained a pound since his 12 month appointment. That person is also unhappy that my child is on a restricted diet, due to food concerns that have been extensively examined, and are not among the usual toddler and food issues. Apparently, it appears to others that my child is not fed consistently, which I can assure you is decidedly to the contrary. According to every care provider we have (and we see several), our son's health is excellent. At no time have our actions as parents been even remotely problematic.
The person who called in these allegations also said that I had "stopped" seeing my OB and was seeing a midwife. How that qualifies as neglect is beyond me. Just because the letters behind the care provider's name are not M and D, does not mean that my unborn child and I are not receiving care. Perhaps it would be wise to do some actual research into midwifery care (and the track records of industrialized countries that utilize it) before jumping to the conclusion that I am somehow putting my child and myself at an unacceptable risk. Alternative care is still care. The bottom line with this issue is that my prenatal care is my choice, and my choice alone. You all know me, or at least I thought you did. I am a staunchly pro-life person. I would never deliberately put a child of mine in danger.
I have never been reluctant to share my care history with you all because not only do I have nothing to hide, but I was under the impression that we were all adult enough to recognize that some people do things differently, and that's okay. Obviously, that was an erroneous assumption on my part.
I am very upset that I am viewed as so unreliable that when I say that my son's physician is satisfied with his growth and health, someone has to go behind my back and involve the state.
I hope the person or persons who made the call realize(s) that even though we had a nice visit with the social worker, and the allegations were declared unsubstantiated, our lives are changed, and not for the better. I feel like I have to be constantly looking over my shoulder now. I am nervous taking my son out in public, because I'm afraid someone will get the wrong impression of me. I don't feel comfortable taking my child over to a friend's house because that person may not like the way I do things, and, not being privy to the everyday goings on of our home, might assume that I haven't fed my child that day, or that I've hit him or something, or that I don't want what's best for him above all else. If I should ever have to take my child to the emergency room for an illness or injury that's not perfectly cut and dry, a previous SRS call, regardless of the finding, will make us look suspicious. If my husband were not leaving the teaching profession this year, he'd need to recertify. An SRS call could quite possibly make it difficult for him to do so. We have considered foster parenting in the future, and this could conceivably make it more difficult to get accepted. There has been definite mental and emotional distress for B, me, and our families while waiting for this to resolve, plus time and energy spent on contacting all of our care providers to alert them of the situation, and obtaining copies of medical records, etc. Fortunately, our doctor's office provides these things for free. There's still a stigma associated with having SRS called on you. People who hear about it will always wonder, "What if it really was legitimate, and the social worker just couldn't tell?" I am very angry that I feel this way, and that these are now thoughts and issues that are a part of my daily life. What it feels like is that if this person, or these people tried to talk to me, they were simply unhappy with the answers they received, and chose a devastating way of showing it. Fortunately, the state has declared these allegations unfounded, and we should not need to have any more interaction with them.
Some of you may be wondering why I'm so sure it was someone from this group. A few of the allegations were unique to the playgroup setting. The wording of the allegations is almost exactly word for word the same as the concerns I voiced when N turned one, just before his checkup revealed low hemoglobin. This playgroup is the only place I have shared the details of our treatment of N's iron issues, and the only group that knows that I have even seen an OB at all. I hope I'm wrong, and it was some obscure person I don't even remember exists.
I'm not sure that the friendships can be repaired at this point, and that's because I'm not really even sure who my friends are. I did want to say that I've enjoyed knowing you all, and that I feel that N has benefitted from having your children as his friends. B will miss the good times he's had with your husbands, and we as a couple will miss having friends with which we have so much in common. Lest anyone doubt, I love my children very much, and I only want what's best for them, even if how I arrive at What's Best for my children looks different from the way you (general) are used to seeing it done.
Thank you,