Deep thoughts

My mother asked if I am depressed. It feels awfully good to have my mommy looking out for me. I suppose I might be/have been. I would really like nothing better than to curl up in a dark cushiony corner and sleep until a few days before the baby's born.

A (from playgroup) is sending her husband to drop off the tv we loaned them this evening. I haven't seen or talked to her since The Incident. I'm okay with that. B's almost certain she's the one that made the call, I'm leaning more towards someone in the group opened their mouth to someone they shouldn't have, and weren't too careful how they said what they did. Make any sense? A's husband is pretty nice, and hopefully B will be home so the poor man won't have to lift the tv himself (he's having knee surgery Friday).

I think this whole Ugly Situation has been the root of my unhappiness the last few months. Apparently I've been through a lot. Getting totally stabbed in the back by people I thought were friends, financial worries during the holidays, concern over Fidget's health due to Rh incompatibility, etc. But I knew Fidget would be okay. We always manage to pull through on money issues, but this screwed up friendship thing has hit me hard.

I'm feeling like people in general (IRL) aren't as excited about this Baby's impending arrival. Especially since we know the sex, and then since we've already got one, it just seems like it's a let down for them. At this point in N's pregnancy, the house was overflowing with gifts. We had meals set up in advance for two weeks after he was born. People were always asking about the pregnancy and what we wanted as far as sex. This time, there's not a shred of New Baby evidence in this house. The infant seat's still in the closet, the clothes are still packed away downstairs, my newborn diaper stash (all 4 diapers) is in with the clothes, and the nursery (used by N only for diaper changes) looks exactly like it did the week before N was born. I'm not upset by the lack of shower. Heck, there's really nothing else we need. I'd like a few sets of clothes that aren't gender neutral though. I guess I just wish people were as excited as they were the first time. I know I am, even though I don't feel like I'm as free to express it. "I'm really looking forward to this baby's birth" is answered with, "Yeah, but you're hands are going to be so full." No shit sherlock. That's what happens when you have two little kids. But I bet I'm going to enjoy it. I'm having kids because I love kids. Is it that hard to understand?

Anyway, I think most of my sadness just comes from the fact that most of these women were in the exact stage of life I was, from the relatively recently wed (3 years this past December), to the first child, to beginning to have the second one, and it was nice to be with people that were going through the same things we were. There were three of us pregnant, and we were routinely asked the same questions we had been with our first, how the two pregnancies differed, and all of the fun stuff. I miss the fun stuff. I miss the companionship. A few of these moms were close to my age. It's just frustrating. However, since I still have no way of knowing who exactly did it, I'll keep talking to the ones I am currently talking to, and will be nothing less than polite and gracious to those I am not, should we run into each other elsewhere. It's done, the chips have fallen, and I'm getting on with it.