Saturday, June 28, 2008
That's it.
Son needed *me* at that point, more than he needed his father. It was a very real, very pressing need to him. And as he has started to mature and follow the natural progression of separating from the mother/child dyad, Daddy has been come more and more important to Son. And as Son grows into childhood, teenager-dom, and adulthood, DH will play a far more central role in helping Son develop his sense of growing into a man than I ever will. DH provides a relationship to Son that I cannot, and that will become a central focus and a central importance at one point to Son.
-R
And that's it. That's why I want (a) daughter(s).
When my sons grow up, they will join the ranks of men, not the ranks of women. I have not replaced myself in the world with strong, kind, compassionate, intelligent women. I have seen to the eventual replacement of my husband with three strong, compassionate, and intelligent men, but there will be no women of my own to gather with in the kitchen over Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, or birthing room discussions of how that most recent labor compared to the generations of women behind us that now happens in my conversations with my mother and sister.
Oh sure, there will almost certainly be daughters-in-law, but they aren't mine. They will belong to their families. They will not have been grown in my womb, nurtured at my breast, or sustained by my body. They will not have my husband's stunning green eyes, my nose, or his grin.
Saddest of all, there will be no network of women. The mother-daughter teas, slumber parties, and shopping for a prom dress, the first bra, the first period, the way the house erupts in a cacaphony of hormones when the women hit just that time in their cycles, the soothing of the teenage broken heart with ice cream, brownies, and movies will not be. There is such a rich and close culture among women--the way we're there for each other when things suck, that simply doesn't translate among men.
And while I'm afraid this sounds like I want a girl to be let into the club (which isn't the case), I must say it anyway. Without a daughter, who will my knowledge go to? My sons will learn some, but they can never make the decisions that their partner must. They'll learn how to support, but will never empathize. They will not teach their daughters in turn, as they won't know, and won't have felt for themselves. And truthfully, that knowledge saddens me.
I madly, completely, head over heels, hopelessly love my sons. I always will. I would not trade them for all the girls in the world! They are my breaths of fresh air, my amusement on a warm summer evening, my exuberance in winter, and my snuggles on a cool autumn night.
My desire for children who share my gender does not negate the above sentences for one second. My children are precious to me. I'd like some more precious ones.
I just needed to get my feelings out.
That is all.
-R
And that's it. That's why I want (a) daughter(s).
When my sons grow up, they will join the ranks of men, not the ranks of women. I have not replaced myself in the world with strong, kind, compassionate, intelligent women. I have seen to the eventual replacement of my husband with three strong, compassionate, and intelligent men, but there will be no women of my own to gather with in the kitchen over Thanksgiving and Christmas dinners, or birthing room discussions of how that most recent labor compared to the generations of women behind us that now happens in my conversations with my mother and sister.
Oh sure, there will almost certainly be daughters-in-law, but they aren't mine. They will belong to their families. They will not have been grown in my womb, nurtured at my breast, or sustained by my body. They will not have my husband's stunning green eyes, my nose, or his grin.
Saddest of all, there will be no network of women. The mother-daughter teas, slumber parties, and shopping for a prom dress, the first bra, the first period, the way the house erupts in a cacaphony of hormones when the women hit just that time in their cycles, the soothing of the teenage broken heart with ice cream, brownies, and movies will not be. There is such a rich and close culture among women--the way we're there for each other when things suck, that simply doesn't translate among men.
And while I'm afraid this sounds like I want a girl to be let into the club (which isn't the case), I must say it anyway. Without a daughter, who will my knowledge go to? My sons will learn some, but they can never make the decisions that their partner must. They'll learn how to support, but will never empathize. They will not teach their daughters in turn, as they won't know, and won't have felt for themselves. And truthfully, that knowledge saddens me.
I madly, completely, head over heels, hopelessly love my sons. I always will. I would not trade them for all the girls in the world! They are my breaths of fresh air, my amusement on a warm summer evening, my exuberance in winter, and my snuggles on a cool autumn night.
My desire for children who share my gender does not negate the above sentences for one second. My children are precious to me. I'd like some more precious ones.
I just needed to get my feelings out.
That is all.
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